Archive for The Truth

So wrong, for now

Posted in The Truth with tags , , on June 25, 2008 by Adam Sapiro

Corrections

BECAUSE this website is all about telling the truth, I feel compelled to come clean. Since I started this blog one month ago, it has come to my attention that I have made many mistakes. So, in the spirit of full disclosure, I present this list of things I got wrong:

I called My Morning Jacket overrated, but I’m really digging their new CD.

Despite what I wrote, I love spending as much time as possible with all of my friends’ beautiful children (except for Alexa and Mitchell).

I mistakenly advised that blueberries can be used to remove grass stains. It’s the other way around.

The DVD pictured at right is not gay porn, as indicated in my review. In fact, the “F” stands for “fighting.”

There was a typo in the recipe for my Spice-Tastic Eleven-Layer Party Dip. The recipe actually calls for two cups of sour cream, not caulking compound.

Apparently the Vince Vaughn classic “Psycho” was a remake of an older movie that a bunch of people have told me is even better. I’d watch it if it weren’t in black and white.

I should have used a “spoiler alert” before revealing how and when the world will end.

Indiana Jones was alive in the latest movie, and not a relic unearthed by that “Boy Meets World” kid. I have updated my review.

And finally, I was wrong to ask readers to write my blog for me. I was kinda busy last week, so I figured a reader contest would give me a break. But only one person entered (and by default he wins the prize). I have since acquired five Chinese child slav—- er, interns, who will provide content for me when I’ve got better things to do.

I’ve made countless other mistakes since starting this blog, but I’ll stop right here. You know what they say — if your correction lasts longer than four hours…

Calling all bullshit callers

Posted in The Truth with tags , on June 18, 2008 by Adam Sapiro

Reader contest

Today’s the last day for entries, so if you’d like to expose the ugly truth about something that no one else seems to get, write up a few paragraphs telling it like it is.

Send your entry with your name and mailing address to thismighthurtblog@gmail.com by 5 pm EDT today. My favorite entry will win a not-bad prize.

Good luck!

Who wants to call bullshit?

Posted in The Truth with tags , , on June 13, 2008 by Adam Sapiro

Reader contest

Something’s pissing you off, right? Something that seems to have fooled everyone but you? Or is there something you hate — a movie, a celebrity — that everyone else loves? Or vice versa? Or are the news media doing something that drives you nuts? Or are you just getting tired of all these questions?

Well, it’s time to get your vent on. Send me a few paragraphs exposing some unpleasant truth that nobody else seems to grasp. I’d like to post the best piece(s) next week (so don’t leave me hanging), and the writer of my favorite entry will get a small but decent prize.

Send your rant — er, your well-reasoned argument — with your name and mailing address to thismighthurtblog@gmail.com by 5 pm EDT Wednesday, June 18.

Good luck!

Wake up and smell the coffee study

Posted in The News, The Truth with tags , , , , on June 8, 2008 by Adam Sapiro

Go ahead and have that second cup of coffee. It’s good for you. But you’d better enjoy it. Because it’s going to kill you!

Late last month, the media reported that researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston found no link between coffee consumption and the risk of breast cancer. Whew. So drink up, right?

Not so fast. In my 10 years working at one daily paper, I saw endless “news” stories on the health benefits and dangers of coffee and alcohol. One week, one or the other is proclaimed the secret to eternal life. The next, it’s Enemy No. 1 to a kinda-vital organ. It’s enough to make you drink.

Google “coffee study” and your head will spin: OK, just going by the headlines of the news articles, I’ve learned that coffee may reduce the risk of dementia, may cause heart disease, may provide healthy antioxidants, may raise the risk of miscarriage, may prevent colon cancer, may raise cholesterol levels, may lower the risk of suicide, may protect smokers from bladder cancer, may increase the risk of rheumatoid arthritis (if the coffee is decaffeinated), may improve short-term memory, may lower the risk of diabetes, may cause coffee breath, and may increase the size of your penis (OK, that was just an email, but I studied it).

There’s even a study that says coffee may counteract alcohol’s poisonous effects on the liver and help prevent cirrhosis. How’s that for teamwork!

The news media don’t really care whether coffee is good or bad for you. They just know you drink coffee, and that a screaming headline about coffee’s health effects will get your attention. So they loooove these stories. Doesn’t matter if the study was conducted in Belarus on a group of 24 capuchin monkeys — they’re gonna run with it.

I don’t know why we can’t just accept that coffee, like all things in life except for pizza and Paris Hilton, is neither all good nor all bad. I’m no doctor or researcher like this John Hopkins guy, but I don’t need no stinkin’ study to reach my conclusion about coffee (and life): Everything in moderation.

But, hell, that doesn’t make for much of a headline.

What lies ahead

Posted in The Truth with tags , on June 5, 2008 by Adam Sapiro

Who needs a lie detector? Just listen for certain key words or phrases, and what follows will most likely be a heaping pile of crap.

Some simple yet surefire bullshit tipoffs:

  • “In all honesty …”
  • “Frankly …”
  • “I’m gonna let you in on a little secret …”
  • “I take you to be my wife …”
  • “Hi there. That’s a great car you’re looking at …”
  • “I remember one time …” (Hillary Clinton-specific)
  • “Your honor, my client …”
  • “Dad, can I borrow the car?”
  • “Good evening, my fellow Americans …”
  • “Tonight’s top story …”

The Over/Under

Posted in The Popular with tags , , on June 3, 2008 by Adam Sapiro

  • Overrated: Tilda Swinton. Underrated: The tilde
  • Overrated: Amy Winehouse. Underrated: Icehouse
  • Overrated: “How I Met Your Mother.” Underrated: Mother
  • Overrated: The incredible, edible egg. Underrated: Sperm
  • Overrated: Morgan Freeman, Morgan Spurlock and Tracy Morgan. Underrated: Jaye P. Morgan, Morgan Fairchild and Captain Morgan
  • Overrated: “Veronica Mars.” Underrated: Pluto
  • Overrated: Sarah Silverman. Underrated: “Oscar Goldman”
  • Overrated: Judd Apatow. Underrated: Wynonna

Admit it

Posted in The Truth with tags , on June 1, 2008 by Adam Sapiro
  • With the characters on “Lost” appearing here, there and everywhere lately, it didn’t matter who was in that casket. Admit it.
  • You’re hoping something horrible happens to Sharon Stone soon. Admit it.
  • Deep down, you know we’re finally getting the gas prices we deserve. Admit it.
  • You say you’re “spiritual,” not religious, but even that’s bullshit. Admit it.
  • You can’t believe you got away with that tax return. Admit it.