I’m not laboring on Labor Day, so my sister Joan has stepped in today to tackle John McCain‘s choice for the VP spot via an open letter to Mr. Maverick. (Personally, I think he picked Sarah Palin because he mistakenly believes “running mate” means they actually get to mate.)

By Joan Beal

Note to John McCain:

Hillary supporters want you to know that there was more to our support of Hil than a sex organ.  How could you possibly think that we’d fall for Sarah Palin? A gun-toting, anti-choice, ANWR-drilling, lactating, hockey-Mom beauty queen. Like we wouldn’t notice the difference?

We know that all women are basically the same to you, Mr. McCain. Women are super-foxy, perennially made up, well-coiffed, and a source of beer money. And if they aren’t, you just divorce ’em.

But we females happen to be a bit more discerning. No offense, Mr. McCain, but you are really, really old, and have had several bouts with melanoma. There’s a good chance we might see a Palin presidency.

Future-President Palin has barely traveled outside our country. She became governor of Alaska via a winning stint on the PTA. She fought “big oil” (Exxon/Mobil) because her husband works for BP, and she’s all for giving BP the leases to drill. To drill in ANWR and kill more polar bears. She’s got five kids, one with Down syndrome, and has fabulous Christian values (she even wants Creationism taught in public schools!) … yet you expect she’ll toss it all to the side to lead our country? She home-schooled her kids … ya think she’s going to let someone else look after them while she’s meeting with foreign dignitaries? She’s still pumping her breast milk for her littlest angel. What if she and her super-sperminating husband receive more blessings from the Almighty? What then, Mr. McCain?

It was just announced that Palin’s 17-year-old daughter is five months’ pregnant and unmarried. Mr. and Mrs. Palin are “proud, and excited to become grandparents! Life happens!” I’m sorry, but were none of Warren Jeffs’ wives available to run as VP? Is that why McCain is foisting Palin upon America … to send us back toLittle House on the Prairie” days?  Is birth control too “sciency” for Americans? I’m 46 years old, and I do not want to be a grandparent until I reach my late 50s. Is that elitist?

The term “maverick” comes from the Texas lawyer, Colonel Samuel Maverick. He purchased a herd of cattle and failed to brand them. Cattlemen in the American West took the view that they had the right to possess any unbranded “mavericks” they found on the open range.  Let me suggest a branding for McCain/Palin … “WTF?”

Joan Beal is a singer, wife and mother in the Los Angeles area. And she’d make a great U.S. Secretary of State.


18 Responses to “QUE SERA SARAH”

  1. Fred Again Says:

    Before the libs get on their high horse (hey, maverick reference!) about Palin’s pregnant daughter, remember that a very large portion of Obama’s (CUE THE SINGING ANGELS!!!!) supporters are/were/from unwed teen mothers at some time. And to say McCain picked her because he figured you’d vote for anyone with a vagina is like saying Obama (SING ANGELS!!! SING!!!) expects to get my vote because Biden (Delaware!!?? No Alaska jokes, please) has a schlong. Come on.

  2. We all owe a debt of gratitude to McCain. This campaign had a lot of ups and downs and back and forth but lacked a certain craziness. Now TS Sarah has hit and is strengthening to an actual hurricane.

  3. 45vinyljunkie Says:

    Here’s an interesting fact for you, Adam: Not only did you not labor on Labor Day, you haven’t labored for nearly four months now. But I have to admit that your sister is an entertaining writer, so I don’t mind when she subs for you.

  4. Bravo! I can see that blogging runs in the family. “Super-speminating husband” that’s hilarious.

  5. I gotta say, after watching a few minutes of Palin’s speech last night, the left-wing females out there shouldn’t be so arrogant and self-centered. Who says Nutso picked her to land The Vulva Vote? Maybe some of your husbands might not take such a big sip of the Obama Kool-Aid the next time it gets passed out. That debate will be fun: Biden dry-hunching the podium. Ha!

  6. Yup — McCain needs to think outside the uterus a bit more, I’d say. By the way, did you know Palin went to six colleges in six years before finally graduating in some fashion? (See http://tinyurl.com/6gx78p). And majored in broadcast journalism though she never worked for the college paper or TV station? As for her daugher, I couldn’t care less that she got knocked up; I’m more alarmed at the doofy names Palin gave her kids (Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow and Piper). Great to know that if McCain wins, she’s one good sunburn away from being leader of the free world. Help.

  7. That’s great. The LA Times, or anyone else, can’t nail down what religion Barack (ha ha that’s a funny name!; SING ANGELS!!!!!) is this week and they never could get Kerry’s grades at Yale (till after the election; fyi, no better than the alleged idiot’s) but they CAN discover Palin GRADUATED after going to six colleges. Awesome job, Sinking Ship!! Cancel the layoffs!!
    Like I wrote before, don’t be so self-centered. McCain’s not chasing the uterus. He’s scoring with the VPilf vote. Duh.
    And as far as Palin’s journalism bit goes, I’ve been a professional journalist for many years and I didn’t work for my college paper.
    Malia Obama. Now that’s a funny fricking name! Beau and Hunter Biden! More hilarity!!!

  8. “Is birth control too “sciency” for Americans?” – love it! LOL!

    The only thing worse than the idea that JM thinks woman would support him just because of SP is the fact that he supposedly really wanted Lieberman (who’s an idiot, but at least a pro-choice idiot), but the religious right dissuaded him.

  9. See post in previous entry.

  10. Don’t forget Obam is religious. So the religious thing doe not play. Sera is some one that can make a difference. Women do have a choice it is called choosing to have sex knowing what can happen (responsibility) or choosing not to have sex. Maybe men and women should think about protection because having careless sex not only puts your life on the line with diseases but it also shows societies our disregard for life when an unwanted pregnancy happens and discarded. That is disgusting. Im not this religious person but I do respect life. We see how Americans their country, just walk out side and see how people treat where they live. Trash thrown on the ground, cigaret buts thrown out the window of cars, this is how we treat pregnancies keep it or just throw it away! maybe responsibility show be put on the table. I think John McCain is smart to have a women as his VP pick. I time for women to bring their strength to Washington to help clean out the trash from both parties and set this Great country back on the path we belong. Obama could is corrupted by the party just look at his VP pick. Someone who talked a lot of crap about Obama. Obama should of really thought about change and picked Hillary this would of showed change. But he was think of himself. Now if Obama dies ( maybe he has a massive hart attack or comes down with cancer) then the same old would be running the country. The insiders. Im a man and a Women needs to break in the doors of hight office. So put away your Hatred for Sera. People are just jealous of other peoples opportunities. Talking about her college, please! At least she did go. We have way to many gossip throwing spoiled people in this country. Women can now change history. We need a women to break in to help change!

  11. Sorry about the typos!

  12. Oh, Sean. It takes more than a diploma to qualify a woman to run a country. (What lucky institution gets to claim her as an alum – was it the “Draw Cubby” people?) Having seen her first (“unscripted!”) interview, I fear that she may not even have the sense to recognize her own limitations.

  13. Hay, Susan thats why she is Running A State. Hello! You need commonsense not just a degree. I’ve meet a lot of people that did well in college, but I would not trust them to run anything. By the way your boy Obama also uses a script. Wake up they all do. Once again its going to take a women to change this country, wether they are Democrat or republican. But it looks like women are once again not come together and help out a women. If she became VP she would open doors for all women. Making women to be equal to men. The sad thing is the words women say about her, I guess its just jealousy. We live in a country that people just want to hate. But to each is own.

  14. Wow, Adam. You do have quite a varied readership! So many opinions, such strong emotions. As a gal, I have to say, I’m really not jealous of Palin (I’ve got a better paying and cooler job, better hairstyle, and even cuter first dude!) The doors have been opened for me by much smarter women. I just don’t want mediocrity anymore. Look at the shape our country is in after 8 years of the guy folks wanted to drink a beer with. Fine. Go shoot some endangered species with Sarah…but please. Let’s elect a smart administration. And let’s all learn how to use spell check!
    Sister Joan

  15. P.S. Sorry for the dangling preposition, Adam! Gawd, I need a copy editor!

  16. Joan I don’t drink. Please, your compering your hair and what your husband looks like. This is what is wrong with this country.

  17. Hilarious article, Sister Joan. I agree that the celebration of mediocrity must stop. I also love Susan’s comment referencing the “Draw Cubby” Art Institute. Perhaps Ms. Palin could draw Cubby, and then shoot him from a helicopter.

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