I NEVER thought of quantifying my friends before, but now that I’m on Facebook, it’s unavoidable. It’s there in black and white every time on log on. I have 32.

It seems like a nice, healthy number of friends until you find out that some people on Facebook have 300, 400, 500! Well, them I don’t need. Who wants to share a friend with 500 other people? ‘Take a number, I’ll be right there to ask how you’re doing.’ Screw that. I want friends I can count on, not just count.

Maybe these Facebook friend hogs never outgrew their Pokemon cards and they still “gotta catch ’em all.” They link up with everyone they’ve ever been in the same room with. Wait until these kids get into their 40s like me — they’ll have whittled down their friends to the essentials too.

Of course, I’ve tried to talk more of my “real-world” friends into joining Facebook, but it’s not easy getting people in their late 30s and 40s to sign up. These are people still wondering what “this Netflix thing” is all about. But hey, I still have more friends than Jennifer Aniston — I mean, she only has five.

Besides showing me that I have about the same number of friends as teeth, Facebook has taught me that there are a lot more words with the letter Q in them than I knew. Yeah, I’d never really played Scrabble before, so I’m not too great at the Facebook version, Scrabulous (go ahead and challenge me if you’re looking to boost your win-loss record). I also don’t know too much about Scrabble etiquette — I kinda felt bad about spelling JISM in my very first game (but I did apologize to my female challenger in the message field.) Hey, I won that one.

Speaking of jism, you could look for more than friendship on Facebook, but it seems like a weird place to meet a mate. “Wow, you love Arcade Fire and ‘The Green Mile’ and you’re agnostic too. We should totally hook up!”

Whatever. I don’t need Facebook to find romance anyway, because I have JLove. More on that tomorrow. (Cool — my first “to be continued” ending… )


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