TCB … TBC …

Posted in Life on December 5, 2008 by Adam Sapiro

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OK, time to take care of some business, tie up some loose ends.

First, I never revealed the band behind the mystery song I wrote about in October. Here’s a clue: If I tell you, you’re gonna go “a-ha!”

Next, some good news: Rosie O’Donnell’s variety show tanked in the ratings last week, and won’t be picked up as a series! My fears were unfounded.

So were my fears about Sarah Palin. Her schtick didn’t play as well as I thought it woulpaused. Are Americans getting smarter?

I still have no explanation for all the references to pandas in my blog.

I still haven’t looked at a copy of the revamped Hartford Courant, and probably never will.

That’s because I’m moving out of state in a couple weeks to take a new job in Baltimore. So I’m putting the blog on pause in the meantime.

I cannot tell you all how much I appreciate your visiting here to read my random ravings, but it has meant so much to me during my “between-jobs” period of 2008. I have the greatest, and smartest, and funniest friends anyone could ever hope for.

During my downtime, you can always check out my sister Joan Beal‘s live blog on facebook. A lot of people told me they loved her posts here, so there’s more where that came from…

I’ll keep you updated on my new life once I get settled, so check back here. I can’t promise I’ll have the time (or the ideas) to keep it as up-to-date, but I’ll try. And please come visit me in Baltimore — the crabs are on me (…maybe I should rephrase that…)

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A SINGLE REGRET

Posted in Life, The Popular with tags , , , , on December 2, 2008 by Adam Sapiro

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I CAN’T imagine that kids today will even remember, say 30 years from now, the first single they ever downloaded. It’s jspindleust not the same as when I was a kid, when I’d head to Caldor or to Cutler’s in New Haven and hope, hope, hope they’d have copies of that great song I’d just heard on the radio.

I’d scan the singles chart, find the the number of the song I wanted, and peek at the corresponding record slot — would it be filled or empty? It was strangely exhilarating — or maybe I was just a really boring kid. Either way, I loved music, and there was something about this physical hunt for songs that thrilled me. Not to sound like a nostalgic old fart, but it was way better than hitting the search button at iTunes.

So today’s blog entry is the request of a friend and fellow music lover who still collects 45s today (as a former DJ, I know the importance of taking requests.) He suggested a post on the first 45 I ever bought. I think he suggested it at my expense, because he knows it’s a bit embarrassing. But here goes.

First, context: I loved (and still do love) pop music. Second, I grew up in a house with no Beatles albums (although my older sister had “The Chipmunks Sing The Beatles Hits” LP — for years, when I heard actual Beatles songs, I thought they were playing at the wrong speed…) Third, music kinda sucked in the early ’70s, so my choices were limited. Fourth, I was probably 8 years old at the time — long before I learned the difference between cool and uncool music.

OK, enough stalling. orlandoThe way I remember it, the first 45 I ever bought (the first of hundreds and hundreds I would buy over the next decade) was “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree” by Tony Orlando & Dawn. (For bonus embarrassment points: I even watched their variety show in the ’70s.)

In my defense, it was the top-selling single in 1973 — someone in my house had to buy it. That May, it sold 3 million copies in just three weeks! And it’s a song that wouldn’t die (its resurgence in later years totally ruined the Iranian hostage crisis and the first Gulf War for me…)

So there ya go. Sad, I know. But c’mon, “Tie A Yellow Ribbon” is still a cooler first single than a download of “Ooops!… I Did It Again,” right? Right?

(Don’t leave me hanging here. Share your story — especially if your first 45 was crappier than mine, like “Billy, Don’t Be A Hero” or “Shannon.”)

HOW COME?

Posted in Life, The Popular on November 26, 2008 by Adam Sapiro

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OK, how come:

  • Vic Mackey has a new job and I don’t?
  • Blockbuster still exists?question
  • I have to keep hearing about Britney Spears’ comeback EVERY OTHER FUCKING YEAR?
  • I already have Obama fatigue? Really, I only have so much hope.
  • Black Friday gets more attention than Thanksgiving?
  • People invite me to be facebook friends, and then don’t respond when I send them a message?
  • Bush gets to pardon anyone?
  • I’m the only one who remembers “Saved By Zero” was a Fixx song?
  • Mormons don’t consider polygamy to be same-sex marriage?
  • The Beatles and iTunes can’t work it out if all you need is love?

WHAT’S A GUY TO WATCH?

Posted in The Popular with tags , , on November 25, 2008 by Adam Sapiro

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I LOVE television. It just doesn’t love me back.

Over the past few years, it’s become clear that TV programmers don’t really care about guys like me, guys in their 40s who get to choose what they watch, rather than pretend to enjoy whatever their wives are watching. The only eyeballs network execs seem to worry about today belong to teenagers and middle-aged women.

vicAnd tonight, I’m losing yet another one of the few shows I love: “The Shield” is ending its amazing seven-season run on FX, and I’ll be watching it live (the last time I actually watched a live TV show was the Sopranos’ finale in June 2007). I can’t wait to see what happens to Vic Mackey and the pathetic remains of the Strike Team (and Lloyd the Teen Serial Killer-To-Be better not touch Dutch).

So now three of my favorite shows of the decade have ended: “The Wire,” “The Sopranos” and “The Shield.” And what’s on the horizon to fill the void? “Rosie Live”!! Yep, Rosie O’Donnell hosts a variety show Wednesday, one night after “The Shield” finale, and NBC is considering turning the special into a series. Where’s a dirty cop when you need him?

Ruby Washington/The New York Times

And Rosie’s just the tip of the iceberg (albeit a pretty big tip.) Take CBS. The network hasn’t aired one show that appeals to me in a long time. I don’t give a shit about crime scene investigators or naval criminal investigators or ghost whisperers or cold cases or numb3rs or criminal minds or mentalists.

ABC and NBC and Fox and that CW one aren’t much better. I don’t care about “Law and Order,” so a third of NBC’s lineup is irrelevant to me. “Grey’s Anatomy” makes me ill (ironically), “Chuck” and “Reaper” cancel each other out, and I can’t even imagine spending a minute with gossip girls or desperate housewives.

Some shows do try to appeal to a 43-year-old guy, but they don’t deliver. I watched the first season of “Heroes” on HD DVD (another guy thing) and thought it was a convoluted mess without any focus or point. And that was the good season. I enjoyed the first season of “Prison Break” but didn’t care enough about these people to follow them once they prison broke. I couldn’t even make it to the end of the pilot of “House.” I still watch “24,” but only to keep my eye-rolling muscles in shape. I’ll admit to enjoying “Smallville” and “Supernatural” but they’re geared for people half — or even a third — my age. “How I Met Your Mother” is nowhere near as cool as it thinks it is. “The Big Bang Theory” is mildly amusing, even though that breakout nerd seems to think he’s Lilith from “Cheers.” And I have no use for “Life on Mars” — I liked the original British series and can’t imagine it’s any better with Harvey Keitel.

I stopped watching reality shows about 200 reality shows ago. I know way too much about “American Idol” without ever having seen the show. I don’t care how much money is in that suitcase. And watching celebrities dance is my idea of hell.

So what does that leave me with, other than a lot of space on my DVR? Well, “The Office” and “30 Rock,” the two funniest shows on TV right now; “Rescue Me,” which got a bit too repetitive last season but still entertains; and “Lost,” an exasperating show I gave up on a couple years ago, only to come back just in time to watch it hit its creative highpoint (seasons 3 and 4). And that’s pretty much it. (And “Lost” and “Rescue Me” don’t even return until next year.) I’m not even holding out much hope for Joss Whedon’s upcoming show “Dollhouse,” which seems doomed to the same Friday-night fate as his “Firefly.”

What it all boils down to is that the shows I love aren’t like anything else on TV. “Buffy,” “Arrested Development,” “The Wire,” “The Sopranos,” “The Shield” — they were all unique. And TV programmers aren’t big on unique. Not when they can get another hit just by sticking the letters C, S and I into a title.

So whether or not Vic Mackey dies tonight, I’ll be sad. Because another original is gone, another show for guys like me is over, and millions of people are perfectly happy watching Rosie O’Donnell introduce tap dancers.